Welcome to: James Russell Publishing
JOIN A MOTORCYCLE GANG
(Other Gangs Also Represented)
This is your chance to patch in with a unique Outlaw Motorcycle Federation (the feared and respected OMF). Choose the brand of gang you want to join from the list below. Make sure you read the gang qualifications before you sign up to join, then mail in the application form with a SASE and we will be in touch. We are an equal opportunity motorcycle and street gang worldwide affiliation. We do not discriminate based on age, religion, sex, alcohol, drug addiction or whatever. We don't care if you are fat, skinny, ugly, smelly or twisted and mired in sin. We just want you to be happy!
SONS OF DISOBEDIENCE MOTORCYCLE GANG
We are a group of dedicated Christian churchgoers who serve our pastor, our church and not Christ. We do not believe in helping people to become saved and we refuse to go out in to society to proclaim the gospel of the Bible. If you are a churchgoer that does not distribute gospel tracts we want YOU to join the Sons of Disobedience Motorcycle Gang. We are the first established Christian motorcycle gang solely dedicated to disobey God and yet remain faithful churchgoers and remain blessed by our loving pastor, who is just as bad as us! Consider that you, as a devout churchgoer, are going to hell anyway for disobeying your Lord... why not just get if over and done with and join up with us? You are already a Son of Disobedience in your heart and in your behavior. All you got to do now is Join. You do not have to renounce Jesus. By your actions of disobedience you already have renounced him before men. You see? The deed is done. Now you can wear our proud patch on your back, ride your motorcycle like hell's on fire, make loud noises and be feared by all other bikers and citizens. They will fear you, my brother. They know you won't try to save them as they fall into the pit of hell. You are the one we want in our gang!
DISLOYAL BASTARDS MOTORCYCLE GANG
Nobody messes with us. We are the very ones your mother told you to watch out for! We are the hypocrite Christians who go to church each week remaining faithful to our pastor to be good churchgoers. But don't let our church attendance fool you! We are the Disloyal Bastards Outlaw Motorcycle Gang and we will butcher your faith in God. How we got started: The Bible says that God has two sons. He has Sons and Daughters and he has Bastards. That's what the Bible says. His sons and daughters obey Him and serve God, but the Bastards disobey Him and refuse to serve God. We are His Bastards! We appear to be God's sons as we go to church weekly and faithfully pray and do all the nice things sons and daughters do, but not us. Deep down inside our hearts we are nasty, rotten, evil, uncaring, religious bastards. We refuse to obey God! We obey our pastor, not Jesus! We will hear the call to "come to church" but we are deaf to hear the call to "go save the lost" and that makes us The Disloyal Bastards. Yes, to hell with those who are going to hell. Praise God for saving us Christians, but the hell with everybody else! That is what we do in church each week. Isn't it lovely? To be religious and yet not care to save anybody else from hell fire is glorious to us and to our pastor. It brings shame and dishonor to God and to Jesus! And that's the way we like it! If you are a churchgoer and you don't save the lost for Christ we need you to wear our patch on your back and ride a motorcycle like a bat out of hell. We even have a special chapter for car drivers too! So, if you own a motorcycle, a car a pick up truck... and you have a pastor with a church you can be one of us a Disloyal Bastard! Come my brother, let us ride hard together sending multitudes to hell serving the devil in harmony and praising God for the privilege to do these wicked things each Sunday in church. Let the lost go to hell. Let's go to church!
ROTTEN SONS MOTORCYCLE GANG
We are the kick-outs from the Disloyal Bastards Motorcycle Gang. We are so evil even they don't want us! Our numbers are few, but we are growing rapidly and The Rotten Sons invite you to share your life with us. Our mission is to appear to be like everybody else. We work undercover so our patch is not seen by people on the streets. We wear secret underwear revealing our gang status of The Rotten Sons emblazoned on the undies. Our mission is to dress cool, blend in with society and make absolutely sure that nobody proclaims the gospel to the lost. We work in churches, Sunday schools, outreach ministries and many of us are old retired churchgoers who just don't want to bother saving the lost for Christ, despite the fact we have lots of time and money to do so! As The Rotten Sons, we are called The Enforcers! We may preach a Jesus, but I assure you that Jesus is a counterfeit Jesus! It's a Jesus that does not care if you obey him or not. And he's a wonderful Jesus that does not want you to share the gospel with the lost. He's a great and powerful Jesus filling our churches with a spirit of not saving the lost and none of our gang members do so! We make sure our pastors tow-the-line and insure they never preach about our Christian responsibility to save the lost. We make certain sermons are entertaining but they never, ever, ever instill a desire to go save the lost for Christ. That is a good sermon! Yes, as The Rotten Sons we despise obeying God, but what sets us apart from other outlaws is that we enforce our rottenness upon all others to make them as rotten as we are. When you are tired of messing around with other outlaw Christians then you come join up with us. Stop being an amateur devil and be a professional wicked and Rotten Son like us! Ask your pastor for his blessing so you can join our gang. He'll do it, gladly. Why? Because having your own ministry to go save the lost is the last thing he wants you to do! He won't preach sermons about that subject! If he does, The Rotten Sons will take him to task. If you know an elder of the church he may be an undercover enforcer for The Rotten Sons. Be extra careful when being around him and never turn your back on him. He's watching your every move! If you dare go share the gospel to the lost he will report you to the pastor and soon enough you will be stopped, just like everybody else in your church! You don't see them distributing gospel tracts do you? Sure don't. The Rotten Sons are doing their job! Join us today.
THE DESPICABLE METRIC CHUCKLING MORONS
We are the Jap bike version of the American motorcycle gangs. We like to be copycats, but never the real thing. We believe in compromise in values, cheating on our taxes, not supporting American workers producing made in the USA goods, but we do attend many, many, many patriotic functions to show our American Pride while riding our Jap bikes. Our hypocrisy knows no limits, we even buy our gas from Muslim owned gas stations just because we can save a nickel per gallon. Yep, we don't care if the Muslims are at war with us and the world. Hey, if the Muslims made a motorcycle we would buy that too, proudly. That's what makes us chuckling morons. Yes, we are the outlaws even the outlaws find disgusting. To join our gang you must own a metric bike and it can not be made in the USA. We will consider Hitler's Beemers and Nazi Axis Italy machines and even Chinamen made motorcycles to ride under our shameful patch. This club/gang is not for everyone. If you love the Japs more than Americans you are just gonna love riding with us. We will treat you as Samurai warrior sons deserving of fast canyon rides and pull into biker haunts wearing our colors. Not once has any motorcycle gang dared to remove our colors because we have tattooed them into our minds! We are the mindset gang and we are the many, so many we don't know our percentage, our patch says 30% so we are 29% better than the 1%'ers... or something like that. Does it really matter? Hell, no! Just get your metric bike then apply for membership. Because we have distorted values we won't turn you down!
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THUGS FOR JESUS MOTORCYCLE GANG
We are the guys that ride around with colors on our backs looking like outlaw bikers, but we are Christians playing a game. Our game is to look like outlaw motorheads making people think we are thugs, but we fool them with sweet Jesus talk. We try to save souls, but only if you have a motorcycle! Otherwise, everybody else can go to hell. We are not interested in saving others. You see, our ministry is hyper-focused just to the motorcycle community. Our goal is to save them and turn them into pastor-worshipping, pastor believing, pastor obedient money-giving churchgoers. And, in our gang we accept every dirty filthy religion. We want Episcopalians, Roman Catholics, Mormons, unbiblical rogue Protestants, you name it we join in fellowship with it. We certainly do not obey the Bible regarding separation from unbelievers, false religions, etc. We will save you and turn you over to any of these awful religions to damn your soul in hell. Now, we may sound like Christians and we may talk like Christians and even go to church like Christians, but don't you believe for one moment we are truly Biblical Christians. We arn't! We believe in a Jesus and a God that, well, accepts accommodation, compromise and disobedience. In fact, we will say, "God speed" or "God Bless You" to anybody, sinners, liars, thieves, even those who hate and despise the Lord. Now the Bible condemns those who do that and places a curse on us, but we don't give a damn about what the Bible says on such matters (2 John 7-11). We will bend the Biblical rules to save a lost soul and be damned to anybody who thinks otherwise. The end justifies the means and that's our true unspoken motto. You will see us giving a drink of water to unbelievers and we will put a Bible verse saying if we give a drink of water in Jesus' name we do it for Him, but the Bible actually says, if we give a drink of water to one of His (not unbelievers) we do it for Him. Our leading pastors know how to trick and connive just like real pastors in real churches! Look, a Roman Catholic church will teach you how to worship idols (which God hates) and many other unbiblical sacraments (which God hates) and foul things too many to mention here. What's the point? We will save you and turn you over to the Roman Catholics! Now you will go to hell with the rest of us. And one more thing. The Bible clearly says to avoid all manner of evil appearance, but we disobey the Bible in this too! We want to look just like outlaw biker gangs! If you like living a lie and sending people to hell, then why not join up with us? Maybe you'll get lucky and we save you and send you to the Mormons or maybe some other Christian cult. Makes no difference to us. We are all following a false Jesus and a false Gospel and our trusted pastors are taking us all to Satan's place of eternal rest. Hey, if you want to look bad, hang out at motorcycle rallies, even ride with the real motorcycle gangs at toy runs, then you got to come on board with us the Thugs for Jesus. Dare to be a scary looking churchgoing Christian. Sign up today! We are a Christian biker club that ignores the Bible's verse 1 Thessalonians 21; "Abstain from all appearance of evil." You can ignore it too!
ONE MEAN FOOL MOTORCYCLE GANG
We are the brain child's of the have OMF; the Outlaw Motorcycle Federation. We came up with the idea of taking the worst-of-the-worse churchgoing Christians and form a wickedness this earth has never seen before. We are so wicked we actively pursue people to take them to hell with us. By doing nothing to save the lost, we take them to hell. That is how smart our pastor is! He teaches us how to worship God on Sunday and disobey God the moment we walk out of church. We are proud to flaunt our Christian responsibility to go share the Gospel with the lost. We won't do it! We serve Satan! But we do so in the name of Christianity! That is what makes One Mean Fool. We see that you got what it takes to join up with us and ride this evil way of life to the fullest. You are already doing it! The Bible says anyone who is not serving God is serving the Devil. Since you are not witnessing each day to save the lost, guess who you are serving? Yep. Good ol' Satan the devil. Yes, you and your pastor! We like fools like YOU to join our gang. You can then go to other churches and show them the way of the One Mean Fool's method of living. We are fools for our pastor! We are fools for our church! We are fools for our religion! We are One Mean Fool because we despise those going to hell and we want them to go to hell. That is why our gang members go to church each week and refuse to obey God's commands to go save the lost. We are the ultimate insults to the Lord. We praise Him on Sunday and disobey Him every day. Thanks be to our faithful pastor who teaches us these things. He will teach you too how to be a very good churchgoer and yet save nobody for Christ... halleluiah! Join up with the One Mean Fool Motorcycle Gang. You don't need a motorcycle to join. You car, truck, bicycle will do just fine. Just obey your pastor and not Jesus and all will be well with you!
BROTHERS OF LAWLESSNESS MOTORCYCLE GANG
We are the crème of the crop when it comes to disobeying God. We are the true rebellious ones! We are dedicated to going to church each week to pray for the lost, but we won't lift a finger to actually go out and save any of them. Now let us have a brotherly chat...
Are you afraid to witness your Christian faith? You Scared? Well join up with us brother because you are going straight to hell anyway for disobeying God. If you're a wimp then go join some other gang. We want strong, brave, stand up tall, proud of silence members in our gang, just like you! It takes guts brother to go to church and pretend you are one of them, yet disobey every command the Lord Jesus and his apostles have told you to do! That, my brother, is righteous in our eyes! Our outlaw motorcycle gang needs strong churchgoing brothers like you. You can rise up in the ranks quickly with your modern outlaw Christian nature and your wayward, lukewarm church experience. You got lots of heart bro to infiltrate deeply into your church and assimilate into their life and stand before the Lord and openly rebel against God by refusing to go save the lost. That takes guts! It's the ultimate display of courage! The Wicked Sons of Satan motorcycle gang would love to have you, but they are taking no members right now, but we want you to be our brother. We promise to be as bad as you have been in church. We promise won't share the gospel with the lost. We promise we won't put any gospel tracts in your saddlebags and tell you to go distribute them so lost souls can find them. You can trust us that we won't preach the gospel in public places. Look bro. We do church each month at our club house, so you will feel right at home. Join us! Join us, my brother. You too can be bad like us and ride like hell and send multitudes to perdition. Tell your churchgoing friends to check us out. We both have the same agenda and purpose, to do the work of Satan by not doing the works of God. Just like devout churchgoers! Let us be brothers and partners in crime. The crime of murdering souls by withholding the gospel from them. It's what you churchgoers do anyway every day!
THE WICKED SONS OF DAMNATION MOTORCYCLE CLUB (not a gang)
We are not an outlaw motorcycle gang, but we do some nasty things inside our churches that, well, makes us outcast outlaws in God's eyes because we heartily distort and disobey God's Holy Bible to the max and we rejoice in this each Sunday at our church worship and fellowship services with our wicked pastor who looks and speaks like a nice guy, of course. We are normal-looking churchgoing dudes and we are respectable in appearance. We just don't believe in obeying the entire Bible. Of course, we do obey some parts of it otherwise we could not be called Christians. Like the outlaw Christian gangs we don't share the gospel to the lost. Possession of gospel tracts are forbidden by our club members! That's our common denominator and many of our members use our club as a stepping stone to promote themselves into the more serious Christian outlaw biker gangs listed on this Webpage. Hey, we won't bore you with details. Let's just get together, ride our machines, go to church and disobey God as brothers in one cause. Check us out, dude. A few more details. We are duly wicked and we will take you straight to hell. We just do it in a more respectable Christian-like manner. We perform a lot of charitable social programs to help people. We even paint homes, clean up blight, feed the homeless, plant flowers and trees, do toy runs, say nice things at political rallies, funerals, etc. We do all these nice things and much, much more to list here. Now, we are despised by Christian Biblical Fundamentalists because we do these good deeds and because we do not do what the Bible says to do. They want us to preach the Word of God and share the Gospel to the lost, but we rather not. We feel it is more important to be nice to people than preach the Gospel. Imagine telling people they are a sinner and they must repent of their sins... that's a negative message! It can wreck a person's self-esteem. It's just not joyful. We preach a different gospel. If you like this idea, then we welcome you to become a wonderful churchgoer just like us! Christians respect this club and so will you! Sign up, dude. Ride with us all the way to Hell.
UNBELIEVERS FOR JESUS MOTORCYCLE GANG
We believe in a Jesus, but not the one in the Bible... the counterfeit one preached in your church by your pastor. That makes us Unbelievers for Jesus. We are dedicated churchgoers and our gang membership is now over two billion worldwide. We are the largest motorcycle gang in the world because we admit anybody who goes to church including Roman Catholics, Protestants, Jehovah Witnesses, Mormons and anything else that calls itself Christian. We don't play by the rules! We claim we obey the Bible, but in the real world we don't! We openly and defiantly disobey the Holy Bible, God's Word. However, we are taught (and most of us truly do believe) we are obeying God when in all reality we are disobedient to the max! We enjoy being fooled by pastors preaching a false Jesus and a counterfeit Gospel. It feels good! We want you to feel the feeling too and become an Unbeliever for Jesus gang member. We are God's outlaw children. We are his castaways. We are his no good rotten offspring. We are professional worshippers who disobey the real Jesus, the real God, but we are Old Testament Biblical! How? We are the dung mentioned in the Bible. The real Jesus spoke about us, so that makes us New Testament Biblical. How? We are the snipped branch cut from the vine to wither away and to be burned in the furnace! We are good-for-nothing salt-free thugs in God's eyes. If you want to be a dedicated churchgoer and never reach out to save the lost in your own community then you owe it to yourself to join our gang.
RELIGIOUS PAGANS MOTORCYCLE GANG
We are pagans of the worse kind, the betrayal not-to-be-trusted kind. We hate your guts so much we are not going to preach the Gospel to you. We want you to go to hell. Any Christian that does not save the lost actually wants you to go to hell. That's the truth and we ain't sorry to tell ya. Yes, we believe the Bible. Yes, we believe in Jesus. Yes, we believe in the apostles. Yes, we believe our pastor. Yes, we go to church each week. Yes, we pray for the lost, but we don't believe in acting out what we believe. We won't share the Gospel with you or anybody else. Let those lost souls suffer in this life and die in the next in hell!Let them not have the promises of the Lord. Are we Biblical? Yes. Saint James spoke about us in the Bible. We are the ones that have great faith in God, but we won't do any good works. Jesus said we are the ones that will not bear good fruit, so that makes us the tree he cuts down to be destroyed. That's okay with us because we are Religious Pagans and we accept our fate of going to hell. In fact, we believe our church will be waiting for us in hell's fire. We like being worshippers and nothing else. We will worship worship if we have nothing else to worship! Worship is us! We are very religious and we will worship idols, church, pastors, sermons, saints, false prophets, wicked ministers, etc. We are anointed by the devil to be Religious Pagans and Hell has no fury like us! Trust us, we will lead you down the path to hell's fire and you will not even stub your toe on the way down. We know the way. Our pastors will take you by the hand, step-by-step teaching you the false way, misleading you with kindness and gentle words of encouragement. We will take the fear of God right out of your heart, so you can disobey Him with impunity! We are dear friends and brothers with all the motorcycle gangs and clubs listed on this Web page. We party with them all. Our burden is light so there is no reason why you should say no to us. Come join up with our way of life and you can wear out patch proudly on your back Religious Pagans MG. Sign up right now!
THE SAD DEVILS MOTORCYCLE GANG
We are the feared worldwide Sad Devils Motorcycle Gang with a long reach. We are rich devils as we know how to collect tithe and dues money from church people, but we are very deeply saddened when we see one of our apostate church members depart from our faith and join up with some Biblical Fundamentalists group that believes in the Bible. That really saddens us! When that happens we mourn for our lost brother and that is why we are called the Sad Devils. Fortunately, not many escape from our perverted form of Christianity thanks be to our loyal pastors in tens of thousands of Christian churches who are secret Sad Devils members working undercover for us. There's a lot of Sad Devils in churches today, more than you can imagine! We are a secretive bunch wearing our "colors" as t-shirts with no pockets. If you see a Christian wearing a t-shirt and it has no pocket you can be certain he is one of us! Take a look around in your church and see the t-shirts. Even our most devout pastors wear them on their day off. Our "colors" are pocketless for a good reason. You see, you can't put a lousy Gospel tract in that pocket if there ain't no pocket, right? Yeah, brother! Us Sad Devils are a smart bunch. We are known for our undercover trickery to deceive millions of churchgoers. We know how to teach the Bible and get people not to obey it. The Sad Devils makes sure nobody goes out to share the Gospel to the lost. And we are highly successful at what we do that even the devil himself is impressed! Most of our road captains are established pastors with successful and growing church ministries. If you are sneaky and like to go along with the crowd not making waves, then we need you to ride with the Sad Devils Motorcycle Gang. We started in a small New England town by the sewage polluted sea near Cape Cod, Massachusetts back in the early 70's riding Super 90 Hondas without mufflers, rusty frames and bald tires with a man named Clifford, The Italian Butcher responsible for establishing the gang with its founder Jimmy the Jerk. Both were feared by men and beast alike! Both are damn fools and proud of it. They still think hanging out on street corners and eating hot dogs and drinking coffee with their motorcycles nearby and to be seen by civilians is their gangster mission in life. They hurl insults at people just for the fun of it. They fear nothing and nobody, not even God. They disobey God with a passion which makes them wonderful examples of what a Sad Devil should be. They still ride with the gang and they often eat fried clams still crackling hot from the deep oil fryer without screaming like little girls. That's cool, man. It's what makes a Sad Devil tough and respected. Come see the blisters on their tongues! Another founding father of the gang is the most feared Mr. Bumby a.k.a. The Fish Vampire who, when he was young, would steal fish from his daddy's huge fish tank in the living room and suck the blood from them. He was the only member of the gang permitted to ride a chopped Volkswagen with Harley-Davidson pipes. He was scary to be around and spoke like a demon infested being when he got to drinking. He loves fish now that he is older, but he's still a scary dude, he's still a no good bum, just ask his wife! We know you got a story to share with us too, so tell us on the application below and mail it in to us. Scare us if you can! C'mon, bro. Cheer up! We want ya to join our brotherhood. Now do it. Don't ask ya mother... just do it!
WICKED STOOGES STREET GANG
We are disobedient, ungrateful, uncaring, bold and not afraid of God, Jesus Christ or their Ministering Angels. We live to break God's laws... and you will too! We solemnly desire faithful churchgoers to show us how to not fear God's wrath. The devout pew-warming churchgoing pastor-worshipping Christian has unique talents to benefit our street gang. Churchgoers, as you are well aware, disobey their Lord for not saving the lost and that is the hooligan spirit we need in our gang. Man, it takes guts to go inside a church and sing songs of praise to Jesus Christ yet not obey him to save the lost. Imagine the sheer gall it takes! This is a powerful fearless bravery our gang absolutely must have. Oh, how we love Christian churchgoers. They are so gutsy inside church. They boldly proclaim Christ behind those closed church doors where nobody else can hear them. They truly upset their Lord, telling Him how much they love and serve Him, but they do nothing for Him at all. They won't even obey His commands to go save the lost. They even hate the thought of having to go out and evangelize. These are the precious ones want in our street gang! Look, if you got the courage to speak to God right to His face and then turn your back on Him by not obeying His commands to go save the lost you got the right stuff to be a Wicked Stooge. After all, you got to be a real stooge to do what you do! C'mon churchgoing Christian! You are going to hell anyway, so you may as well come walk on the wild side with us. We would love to spend eternity in the flames with you! But we warn you. If you don't join up with us now, when you get to hell we will beat you down for rejecting us and mistreat you for ever. Make the right choice. Disobedient Christians don't get into heaven, not matter how much your pastor promises you otherwise. Jesus said only those who do the will of His Father go to heaven. You are clearly not doing His will by disobeying Him, now are you? Join the Wicked Stooges street gang now, or else!
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DUMMKOPFS FOR JESUS GANG
We are the terrible German biker gang, street gang, car gang, construction worker gang, bar room gang, you name it we can be it! Everybody can be member, but you got to be a fool, a dumb jerk of a person who is so wacky you scare people. And yes, we are begging devout Christian churchgoers to join up with Dummkopfs for Jesus because churchgoers are already dummkopfs for obeying their pastor and not Jesus! They are highly obedient to their Field Marshal Pastor and they will not do anything unless their pastor tells them to do it. If the Commandant Pastor does not tell them to go leave gospel tracts in town, they obey him. You won't find one Gospel tract in town, ever! They are so loyal to their Nazi Pastor they will never disobey him. If he says, "Come to church each week" they obey him without question, yet they disobey their Jesus because he never said to go to church each week. Oh, that is so powerful rebellion we admire. Jesus did say to go share the gospel with the lost, but the dummkopf Christian ignores Jesus' commands and they do so with absolutely no fear of God. That takes extreme courage. If their pastor tells them to come to church to hear sermons, they obey him. Yet sermons are not Biblically correct. Even God says that the minister will preach fables. If their pastor tells the churchgoer to give him God's tithe money, they obey him. God never told Christians to give tithe money to a pastor. It's Biblical, but not Christian and certainly not New Testament. Yet they do it because their pastor tells them to. Such blind following their blind guide and they both fall into the ditch. Fabulous obedience! That is why we want you churchgoers. You are good dummkopfs! Now sign up with us and we shall party all night long in hell together, for ever. Hey, you ain't going to heaven. Oh no you ain't! Jesus spewed you out of his mouth long ago, just as he promised he would do. He cut you and your pastor off his vine. He tried to reason with you, but you just want to be a churchgoing dummkopf for Jesus. Man, that's dumb, but that's what we want. Jesus don't wan't lip service. He don't want sacrifice. He wants obedience to him, but you only obey your pastor. You are just like us. Outlaws! Sign up, buddy and let us all go to hell lock, stock and barrel. Amen!
CROTCH ROCKET CHILDREN of HADES GANG
We are the idiots riding crotch rocket sport bikes. We ride fast. We ride loud. We hang out at hot dog stands, ice cream and even donut shops not fearing cops doing the same. We sit, chat, eat and sometimes even cuss when we talk. That may be offensive to you, but we are offensive... that's what we are, a bunch of rotten kids with nothing to do but ride around and waste time on our screeching loud motorcycles. Our bikes sound like mosquitoes and they look like insects and that's what makes us cool. We despise Harley's and those dirty, filthy, Harley riders (DFHR's is what they are). If you want to be one of the best A-holes on the planet then go buy a crotch rocket and come light the fuse with us. We're gonna blast off of this planet and send all the cops to the moon where they belong. If ya like getting speeding tickets ya gonna love riding with us dudes. We ain't innocent children, ya know? We are outlaws at heart and trash the speeding laws on public highways, twisty back roads and ice cream parlor parking lots. We even change our own motorcycle tires and we balance the wheels too. We don't support dealers that rob us of our money. We even change our own engine oil. Can the other gang members above do that? Nooooooo, they have a dealer do it for them. That makes them sissies in our eyes. Join up with the Crotch Rocket Children of Hades Gang for a devilish time. And yes, we even chase girls after we have had our fill of junk food. Think you got what it takes? Then shut up and sign up, fool.
BACK-STABBING SCOOTER BRATS
We are the bad boys and girls riding those whisper quiet motor scooters to college classes and commuting on your roads. We are educated derelicts who have leaned the art of white-collar crime. We are seeking members to join our criminal scooter game. You must own and operate a motor scooter and wear our branded backpack on your back as you ride. We are not as violent as the above gangs, but we do go to church each week as some church of our choice to let people know that we can be trusted when we ask to manage their money. We are the future white-collar criminals. You can be too. Get rich on the backs of poor people. Our college-degreed daddy's did it, so can we. We also demand that you ignore the 8th Commandment, "Thou shalt not steal." Okay? Tell the young college-educated people at your church to join up with us. We are OMF sanctioned scooter brats.
You may as well decide today to join a Christian Motorcycle Gang and go to hell with friends, instead of spending eternity alone. Look, you are going to hell anyway, so you may as well just join up with us. Beware... the demons in hell like to pick on those who are alone. You need protection, but you got to join a gang to get it. Do the right thing! Find a good church that pretends to obey God's Bible, does not share the Gospel to the lost and, join our OMF sanctioned motorcycle gangs listed on this page. We luv ya, brother.
APPLICATION FORM TO JOIN OMF SANCTIONED MOTORCYCLE GANG
(Print out and Mail this Application use separate paper if you have more comments to make)
Your Two Cents: _________________________________________________________________________
We have a question for you: You need to get a package to a city within six hours, but the traffic situation requires seven hours of travel time. How would you get the package delivered on time? _______________________________________________________________________________________
If you say you will ride your motorcycle at high speed breaking the speed limit don't bother to apply for any of our gangs. We don't want you, fool. Your speeding would attract the cops and they would discover the package too! Go back to Tugboat Annies and have a drink and fantasize of one day of being an outlaw biker. Dream on! Go to church! Give your money to a pastor! Don't worry, you won't save the lost. None of them churchgoers do. You won't be any different. They let sinners into their midst and the Bible says to kick them out... they are the real outlaws! You'll blend right in. Peace be with you. Just stay the hell away from us. We'll take you straight to hell in a hand basket, but not as fast as your pastor will. Nobody can compete with the likes of him!
Sign your real name ________________________________________. Date: _______________________.
Print your real name so we can read it easily ________________________________________.
Process: When your application is reviewed we will send you literature to read. Then you will decide if you will commit yourself to join our outlaw motorcycle gang. Then, and only then, you may wear the patch of the gang on your back to be feared and respected by everyone, including yourself. Be afraid. Be very afraid.
HOW TO APPLY FOR GANG MEMBERSHIP
Below is a Mailing Label box. Cut it out and apply it to your SASE envelope.
The Tiny Disclaimer
For legal reasons this stupid article is just a joke and no gangs exist. Adult Entertainment Believe as you will and join the club of your choosing at your own risk to life and limb... it's all just for fun.